The past, the presents, and The Future.

It's been so long since I broke up, and since my time with the computer was so not into me at all. So, I'd like to share a few things that happens this year. My clothing company is having a problem with money, and I decided to stop the sales for awhile. And CLASSMATES, is going so well right now. We just wrote Dakapan Dunia, Mengejar Masa, HEY!, PRIMADUNIA, and To be the one, and it's so what we are. As for that, I've been trying to find myself and identity for those people out there to see me playing drums and stuff.

So, this is just a few talks and shit. I just hope i have some time to write. And I'll show my girlfriend tomorrow. And you'll know what i like about her. See ya!! :)

NO WAY TO STOP!!

This is the beginning of my life. I'm going on 20, and i started to realize that i need to wake up and still, work on something. I have an idea, but no one to listen. Luckily my girlfriend and my ex, is listening and they decided to help. Few of my friends will be too, but they wanna see me succeed first. What a lame people. I hate those kinda stuff. You just be friends with someone who are successful, and all you know is happiness. But I know, God won't give me happiness, but an chance to be happy. And find it yourself.

I'm trying to. But I just hope my family will listen. I'm screaming like hell, and they just stare and smile, and put a sad news to me. I know we aren't that wealth, but i'm trying to make us do have that kind of life. I'm not begging. No chance to do that. I'm just hoping that my patients give me a chance to show people that all people in the world would listen to it. I know that is going to happen, because I've been dreaming about it. Well, that's the shot, this is the time. I want to know. This the moment of glory. Just wait. :)

Holiday is going to and end. :)

Just around the corner. It's been bored. But I had a good time here at home.
Seems I didn't use to sit at home so much after studying. Mummy is not very well, but we took care of it. I do feel sad about that. Never thought mummy could be this way. Some say she was with her sickness since 2 years ago. I never knew and I just knew from her friends.

Well, daddy had a problem with financial. I know it all along that my brother can be more than good in anything he do. I was right. Mummy trust him so much. But at the end, this is what happens. I warned them, but they don't listen.

My big brother, he seems to be unstable. He was not really know what he was doing. He should know that he should stick on his work and make some money like any other people. He's an adult. But he can't think of that. Well, he went out everyday just to see that girlfriend of him. But I can see that she's lying about loving my brother. That's sucks. All I can say, they won't last long. :)

About me, I'm just cool. Listen, watch, and learn by myself. They don't know what I suppose to be. But my dad, he knows what I'm capable with. Love you daddy!

The worst feeling ever,

Yes! It is worst. I don't know what to say about making this decision. It's complicated. the promise, the story she told, it breaks my heart at the first time i heard it. But she went back to the past where she not suppose to. I just know, it's for lust, not love. I can see it in that guy eyes. All lies there. When he's don't, he'll leave. And I'll be the one who get her up back on the road. She'll never learn. What she suppose to know is just, it's not that wise to be on the show. She's not suppose to do so. Well, it really hurts me. But i'm so afraid of letting her back to my life. I can't figure what's going on now. She's watching me, but she's with someone else, when I still live in hell. I just need to know, when is my time. Mummy is sick, so do i. I can't stand the pressure makes the tumor grows. I just want to make it happen. But my life, isn't that perfect for her. Yes, i'm not good enough. I'm not what you call a romantic guy who talks like Romeo. No. I'm just me. Elmo. Pampered, childish, and a loser. No matter what I do, I'm still not that good. Well, I just hope she's happy. Even though it's hurt inside here, I just want her smile back. And when my time is come, I would be real. I would be enough. She gave me love, she gave me friendship. Somehow, I can't figure why, I don't have that love anymore, coz I told her, she's the last. And she took the love away from me. And now, it's gone.

The Dreams Never Ends.

7.12 pm. Magrib. I'm about to pray for the next few minutes. This is what God gave me. I see her anywhere, everywhere. I can't stop it. My head is reminding me about her all the time. I can't do nothing about it.

I don't know why, but I lost her few days before. I can see her without my body's shaking. But today, I didn't see her at all. But I saw her in my mind. The moment that we had together, It's spinning around like hell. I try to think about some other things, bt I failed to do so. This is shit. Why I can't forget about her? 

Why she's still running in my mind? why is she there? Why? she's not mind anymore, she abandon me when I need her so much. But I can't keep looking like this. This is hell. Heavens not. 

I'm fucked up today. I don't know what's going on here. I got an exam that i need to cover, I just got 10 ringgit for the whole day. Jamming session tonight. I dun have any money for that crap. And this is what I've been waiting. My parents. I asked them to call, But they don't. Is this care? Is this what they call love? Hell no!!

Fuck!! this is shit! Why am i suppose to hold this shit off me? Why not they care for me, like I did to them? What's fair now? What's the meaning of this? Girlfriend? I do care about you so much. Then you said you need space. I give you space, but you left. Fuck!! what is this? I'm lying? If i lie, I wont see your parents dear. I won't let myself be that shit ex boy of yours doing the same thing. I just act normal. No pretend. I never pretend to be good like hell. This is me. WHy not you understand??

God, I'm broke. I need a ship with tons of money. I need to be rich. And make a fool of poor people who thought that they are fun enough? 

(I don't know what I was saying. I don't think this is what I want. I just need love.. Now it's gone.)

L.....Love.......L.......Lost...

Yes.. My love, is lost. The wind, whisper. All I hear,just whisper of her voice. From the text that she's typing. I can't hear anything else. It's happening again. Exactly like this. Left behind. When you spend all of your love to the one you love. It's me. It's just me. I can't fall in love. Not the man for that. I was just thinking, about what I was doing. Those rumours, those lies, keeping flying through her ears. Even I didn't do it. Why is this happening? This time right here, I just can't see anything but this laptop,her. I can't feel my legs. My mind is spinning like hell. Hand shiver, cold. Colder, and colder. Just like before. I just thought it's going to be the end of me. It's not a crap. But it's the truth. I can't stand it. Love is too meaningful to me. And it's hurt when it's end with this kind of way. Why don't you just let me die? And make me feeling the pain of dying? I rather die that way that holding the pain of you taking my love away. I can't hold it. I can't......

L.... Lost.. Love.. Late.. Long.. Low.. Lag... L is XXXX........

ALONE AGAIN

Hello blog. Once again I'm here. Lol. Kinda miss this blog. Well, here I am. Meet you again.

I don't know what to do. Just missing people much. I got home here. In this holly house. With a lady ghost flying around me. But I can't see her. I'm lonely. Right now. My girlfriend is not here for me. All I know, couple has to talk to each other and make things happen. Love, care, anything. Story something about what she did all day. I'm dying to know all that. But, I don't see any. I don't know. Just wonder if she cares. I wish. Seems.... 

Well, I love a picture of us. Here it is. I love this picture so much. We seems happy. I don't think I care much about myself, money or anything. Just her happiness. She's beautiful. And she's the one I want. I just want her to know, she's the only woman that can make my heart felt like a heaven. Dude! She's the best. I can't compare more. Well, I can't barely think of myself. When I see her. Her eyes. One secret about myself, I always peeking on her. Her eyes catches me everytime she came. I'm fainted, but still moving. 

                  God! You're so amazing giving me this angel. Well, It's seems situation makes us fall apart. She knows. Situation sucks! I don't know why something simple is going to be a bad. And keep fighting all the time. And make things complicated. Seriously, I just need her hug right now. Loving her. Gosh! Can't believe I'm saying this in this blog. No one is going read it anyway. So, don't care. MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!